ow my eyes

4:56 p.m. nikki sp
right now sydney and toronto are on par with each other weatherwise. time to break out the hoodies.
i didn't wear one today which was stupid cuz i reckon i'm getting a cold. but let's hope the strepsils will take care of that.

i spent allll day shooting and watching tape, so my eyes are sooo sore.
i like my doco group. there probably the group of people i would've gotten on with the best. that's why i picked em, otherwise topic-wise i'd have chosen the band one, even though the band is shit. i coulda easily done b's roomie, seeing as they have so many shows going on now.
but at the point of choosing, i had nary an idea they existed.

sigh.

i actually wish it was raining right now. as emo as that is, i'd love to take a walk in the rain.
i used to walk everynight in february. it's lagged since my routines have gotten all whack. but hopefully it can be put back on track. it's lovely walking by glebe. the water is so serene at night. i wish there was more waterfront to walk along.
and although im starting to get a cold and need to rest, i have been eating heaps of junk food and i really need to walk it off.

my eyes are sooo tired.

any time i reckon i'm achieving a sense of regularity here, something happens to fuck it up. maybe someone.
next time it'll be lynn, which i'm stoked for. there'll be some changes to the routine - skipping some thursday nights in paddington, dinners with the ladies, coffee with pat, etc etc.
i love these little comforts.
but it'll be fantastic to have one of my greatest comforts in the world here.
i just hope i can show lynn a good time. so far goals include:
surfing the gold coast
getting tats
scuba diving the reef
partying
and anything else we can afford to do.
screw finals, this'll be the month of my life. at least probably the best month in '07.

it's weird that people back home are done the semester already. i'd say i'm jealous but i had 3 months off before my semester started. and then i got to travel heaps.
jealousy would be stupid.

ugh. i can't focus right now.
eyes in too much pain. tv too much on.






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3:07 p.m. nikki sp
god things change quickly here. i don't know how it happens. but.
i reckon i'll move to bondi in june. that'll be fucking great.
i dunno if i will go fruit picking with pat. it would be ideal, but if i lived in an apartment with an ocean view, i don't think i'd wanna leave.
i miss cable. i miss mtv. however, free-to-air tv is pretty sweet here. big brother=amazing. biggest loser was great. my favourite part about aussie version reality shows is that they play EVERYDAY!
i love it.
that's one thing that makes oz's industry better than canada's. they arent so heavily inculcated with american programming, they can produce their own shows. deal or no deal, con test, 1 vs 100, australia's got talent, idol.
so many options.
i've been talking to renee about work, she's been doing some stuff here and she's trying to figure out what she can do to extend her visa. she's been a great friend. her boyfriend has gotten sooo much work from himself, it's pretty impressive. and he went to uts and did an exchange to ryerson too. hopefully having those creds will help me out too.

i really wish i had clearer answers with what i want to do with my life. i was so sure i had it figured out in feb/early march. but that was a weird phase, not sure if thoughts there were valid or whatever.

i took a walk through newtown today and felt good. people just being real, themselves. i reckon maybe next sunday i'll take a walk through surrey hills and see how i fancy that.
it's great being surrounded by those types of people. but it doesnt guarantee i'll make friends with them. bondi will be alright, the water just placates me. i was up at 8this morning, and i had no prob being up that early cuz i had a perfect view of the beach with the sun right in my face. amazing

i have to call my mom soon to sort out her visit. i was thinking she come at the end of my stay, but i think it'd be better if it was like right before i left to move to bondi. cuz that apartment wouldn't be suitable for her to stay in.
and then patrick said he'd be leaving at the end of aug, so we could stop in hawaii togeth for a bit then i go to l.a. he goes to vancity or somewhere near the mountains. and then i go back to the tdot. that sounds like a viable plan actually.
yeah, that'd work best.
hmm, this was a constructive blog sesh, better not overdo it.
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i miss... and i hate...

8:20 p.m. nikki sp
so much.

i don't care if i'm supposed to be all happy loving my experience.
it's great, don't get me wrong. but i miss home.

not quite the place per se, but the comfort for serious. and the familiarity for real.

fuck.

i miss my friends. my surrogate shrinks. coffee mates. dinner dates. drinking buddies. i'm not gonna even begin to list in case i offend any unmentioned readers. i just miss all of you all heaps.

i miss the city. yeah yeah. sydney is beautiful. it really really is. perfect combination between city and beach.
but i miss the ttc. seriously, i do. i hate sydney public transit. i hate how there's a different fare depending on the distance you travel. i hate how it takes so long when people embark on busses cuz they buy tickets from the bus driver. i hate how bus drivers dont announce any stops. i hate how some trains don't stop at all stops or have different final destinations. i hate that you can't put your feet on the seats. i hate that the tunnel to get to central is a mile long and adds 15 minutes to your travel time. i hate that trains don't run regularly, like every 10 minutes. i hate how there are no fucking maps ANYWHERE! i hate that it's soooo easy to get lost cuz i'm so good at directing myself and this just fucks me up. aargh. so much rage towards public transportation!
oh yeah, i also hate how you cant fucking use travel 10 tickets for the fucking train. idiots.

but i miss queen west and the annex. so much. i really miss the people native to those hoods. that's what sydney is lacking for me. i mean, newtown and glebe, with a touch of darlinghurst would be the closest things to that. but still, it's not the same thing. really. queen st and the annex are genuinely too fucking cool for school. i feel like virtually all the people here are just posers. like it's all just a surface thing rather than a lifestyle thing.
sigh.
the students in toronto are so much cooler cuz they live in the city and actually do shit in the city instead of commuting to the fucking boonies every other day. god. damn. it.

i miss the opera house, lee's palace/the dance cave, the phoenix, the mod club. and cheap fucking concert tickets! it's impossible for me to get tix to a show i'd actually wanna see for less than $50. ri-fucking-diculous. i miss local (toronto/montreal i guess canadian in general) indie rock.
there are so many ambiguously-oriented emo kids here. although i suppose that's super redundant. but what the fuck, why are they always chilling by town hall? i=don't get it.

motherfucker i miss hockey. i'm totally missing playoff season. i just read alyssa's bulletin post on myspace, and hells yeah i miss playoff beards. boys here are either perma-prepubescent or just metrosexually clean. i miss my fucking scruff on my boys.
god.
je.sus.christ.
it's good that i didnt have to witness the leafs miss playoffs yet again, shows that quinn wasnt really the problem after all. but god, i love hockey. can't get into this rugby or nrl stuff. wish i could, but i'm too daft.

i miss canadian beers. like the microbrews everywhere. fuck tooheys, toohey's new, tooheys extra dry, tooheys old, and all that other shit. i want moosehead. hell i'll even take keith's. i want blue too. and pints and pitchers. not fucking schooners and jugs.

i miss poutine. graham crackers. ketchup and mayo readily available anywhere. i haven't had a craving for a caesar, but still, clamato juice would be welcome. i miss fucking tropicana. breyer's ice cream. what the fuck is vegemite and why are people allowed to eat it? i miss orange cheddar cheese. don't even try to convince me that i'm not eating mozzarella every day. i really do miss harvey's. and milk in cartons instead of jugs. presidents choice water bottles.

i miss comfortably fitting clothes! well properly fitting clothes! the skinny jeans here are either too skinny or might as well be straight leg. not enough stretch or give or range in sizes. i'm an inbetweenie here, and i had to get the smaller size at kmart and hope i can break em in. i hate how everyone looks the same here. i know, i know, sweeping generalization. well fuck it.

i miss my bed, my duvet. digital cable. a working camera phone. subscription internet and phone services instead of stupid pay-as-you-go/bandwidth or airtime bullshit. cooking. having baths. eastern standard time. my bedroom :(


i know i know i'm being such a baby right now. but i need to winge for a moment. this has not been a happy week. and i need to vent. it would def be easier living in l.a. but it's a lot more beautiful and un-american here. i think cali boys, especially santa monica boys are the most gorgeous. mmm. eye candy. none of this metro bullshit. i'd hit that. twice.

don't get me wrong, there are HEAPS of things i prefer in syds over the t-dot. but right now i'ma be a debbie downer. wah wanhh.
don;t worry, i'll have a lovefest soon similar to what i felt in february. but whateva.
like i know this is all trivial. immaterial and whatever. compared to the experiences i've gotten out of this.
but i also miss my life. like this has almost been too surreal and too removed to feel like it'll be integrated back into my life back home.
lynn's almost here. pete's gonna send a care package soon. hopefully that'll satiate me for the time being.
sigh.



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goodbye americans

4:22 p.m. nikki sp
so they're gone.
and how did we celebrate our sendoff? at the landsdowne of course.

and what did i end up doing?
leaving the americans and making new friends of course.

i am such a random. after i bought the first 2 jugs, i was loosened up enough to introduce myself to a dude that gave me a stirring stick. and then i hung out with his friends the rest of the night.
and they got me drunk.
i was so fucking wasted. it's been a while since i've been that fucked. probably last time was the mayor's dinner at the beginning of the month when i passed out when b was brushing his teeth.

and it's retarded cuz i ended up going out with them after the bar, while i lived right across the street.
oy, alcohol severely clouds my judgement.
i can't wait till lynn gets here so she can ensure that i don't do such random things.

i mean, back home i've never been so random. never. like i don't go with my friends to a bar, then ditch them to meet strangers.
i'm glad i can do that, that i'm not inhibited to meeting new people. but it's always under strange circumstances that don't allow for a followup hangout without drinking.
granted, i usually go to the bar with lynn or a date. lynn always keeps me laughing. and it's rude for me to bail on a date. so it's understandable why i dont wander off so much in canadia.

if my addition is correct, i've ditched my mates 3 times. all from being ridiculously ridiculously shitfaced. i like my false sense of confidence.
but i'm not a fan of my lack of self-control.

like i set a rule for myself and i broke it.
i don't regret it, not gonna shit myself or anything. but i really gotta work hard to stick to my guns.

i was good with other things. no needless/inappropriate drunk communication.
i'm leaving ben alone for now. things got complicated, so hopefully time and space will de-complicate things. i really enjoyed his friendship, his company and the ease i felt chilling with him and his friends. but he got the feeling that it was turning into a relationship. and while i really started caring about him and wanted to spend heaps of time with him and his posse, he wasn't ready for that. it sucks. heaps.
but can't do anything about it really. like i could be creepy and show up unannounced and shit like that, but that'll only make matters worse. as much as i love forcing my friends to hang out with me, i can;t do it when things are too delicate.

anyway, hopefully i can make friends and not get ridiculously drunk that it's too awkward for there to be a next time.
travelling with lynn will be conducive for fun times and meeting sexy strangers. but im sure it'll be chock full of randomness. whateva

only 10 days!!!
sweet az.
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fallin

4:50 p.m. nikki sp
it's autumn.

the leaves are turning red, piling up on the ground.
it's raining heaps.

normally, the rain would make me want to cry. but it's quite perfect for the mood i was in today.

things have been a bit of a whirlwind the past few weeks.
like a bit of a lot of a whirlwind.

so now i'm coming off a high. i was pretty numb for the whole day. as i'd been for the beginning of '07.
sitting on the bus from kuring gai to the city was just blah. i literally felt dead inside. like it was too much energy to even emote.

so i was glad it was raining. if it was sunny, i'd feel like i'd need to be at the beach and shit. but now it's a perfect time to stay in and wallow. or just mellow.

i saw asa right as i got into the city and i love that girl so much.
she said all the right things to get me unnumb again, and now i actually feel placated. not quite happy, but i really value what she had to say.
being on this exchange has just allowed me to meet wonderful people. and even though she's from sweden, i feel like we'll be connected for a long time to come :)





that girl took me on a road trip to the blue mountains last friday and it was just what i needed.

i felt like i was on top of the world, it was pretty spiritual.

and fun, i mean it was a road trip after all. and i'm probably the best navigator to have cuz i'm no stress.

we take a wrong turn?

sweet! adventure time!

there were a few of those...


yeah so we saw some roos finally! eee!
at first they were behind some fencing, just chilling.


but in the evening, they were oot and aboot!


too bad my night flash sucks, cuz it's really hard to see how awesome they were.








sooo beautiful.


i'm no nature girl by any means. but it was unbelievable.

ike i wouldn't dare camp here. a day trip was just perfect.

i really appeciate asa taking me here. i actually felt at peace with myself. and she was fantastic company as well.


she's one of the few few people who understand me, and it's so strange that i just met her. but i highly value who she is and the fact that she will be there for me.
friends are so precious. especially local friends when you're away from home.


patrick has been a great bud too lately.
sadly, he's the only dude i've had a functional friendship with without having hooked up with him.

this weekend we chilled at the beach cuz the sun was out, the sky was clear. it was nice. i woulda ended up there anyway, but it was nice to have the company.

also he took me to a housewarming party. i need to get back into the party circuit, but i haven't been myself lately. it has been hard for me to have fun. but i'm glad i went, i met some lovely people.

on sunday we went to the museum of contemporary art.

...yeah i don't know what that's all about. but it looked like a penis getting flaccid then erect. it's deep.

nice and rooted haha.

and pat reminds me of alice and wonderland.
oh yeah, we took the ped-a-pod there. it was onlt $15 dollars! even better than a cab! that seriously made my life. i felt like an awkward princess, people kept pointing and laughing at us on the street.

the random adventures i get myself in are pretty fantastic.

i can;t wait for lynn to come cuz i know there will be chock more of those.
big brother just started here and it's heaps different than the american version. way more hyped up.

at this point in my life, it would be interesting to play a game like that. i love watching these shows cuz they're a lovely social experiement to observe. but parttaking something would be very fascinating too.

ew, one of these chicks has the fakest tits i've seen ever. and the worst blonde dye job.

but another interesting show for me to do would be the bachelorette. seriously.
that could be the biggest headache ever, but also something wonderful.

i'm trying to be less bitter. i dunno if it's working.

asa's really helped me put things into perspective. i'm glad. after a while, my head feels screwed on properly again.

back to bb.

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my first time turning in before midnight

6:24 p.m. nikki sp
i reckon that's what happens when one starts drinking at 3pm
to be fair, i was enjoying baileys, which is good any time of day.
shit i still left the bottle at ben's place.
by the way, he's just a bud right now.
international relationships are messy. i'm impressed with people who are able to do them.
irregardless

i had the busiest day of life today and i'm just running on pure adrenaline right now. my eyes are getting mighty tired.
i reckon i might even turn in at 1030 tonight cuz i gotta be up super early to head to blue mountains with asa.

anyway, today.
so ....
up at 945 (this is mighty early for me)
meet pat at 1045
be at 4 seasons for 1130
lunch in the rocks
2 pm at milsons point
5 home to change
6 auburn.
and now i'm finally home.

to put this in perspective for all the torontonians... it's basically
starting from bay/bloor
heading up to yonge/dundas
then to harbourfront
then to centre island
then back home to bay/bloor
then going to fucking etobicoke in goddamn rush hour
then going home to bay/bloor.

motherfucker i feel like i am gonna throw up right now.

the two week holidays have gone by heaps fast. it's ridiculous.
i just got my paystub for the easter weekend and i almost shat myself/peed my pants/cried/all three at the same time.
biggest paycheque of my life for one of the funnest events of my life.
a-fucking-mazing.

it's good news considering this has been a really tumultuous week.
everyone around me is getting homesick.
like always, i miss people too. but the exchange has been amazing, and it's hard to listen to people go through a hard time with it cuz i can't relate.
meeting the tasmania crew has been nice, though an inconvenient friendship in randwick. although i work with this sweet girl in randwick and she said she found a sweet cheap place.
i reckon i'll move out of unilodge in june, somewhere around moore park, coogee or surry hills. the city is nice, but the living by the beach would be a dream. and considering i wouldnt have to worry about school, it'd be nice.
hopefully patrick will be up for it. i already elected him to be my roomie.

apparently we're also going fruit picking to rake in some dough for like a month and a half.
yeah yeah. it's completly non-nikki. but i need a change of scnenery. and pat would totally be cool to do that with. i need to do shit i normally wouldn't eh. good stories should come out of it.

the americans are leaving which is what's making me a little frantic. i dont know who we're gonna hang out with and drink from now on. it's such an awkward time to meet res friends. but desperate times, eh.
lynn's gonna be here soon, so i'm not terribly concerned.
but once june hits, her departure will give me the shits.
i don't think i'd be able to live on my own after having her around for a month. especially if it's only anj that'll be here. love the girl, but she's always busy, and i get really stircrazy on my own.

it'll be an interesting adjustment too once i head back to toronto, but i dont wanna think about that right now.

i'm so anxious right now, i feel like i will vomit.
really excitable actually.

i love my apartment, but i'm getting pretty bummed being lonely often. and having friends in different burbs who just stay local to themselves. i love travelling out cuz i get to see new places and shit. but it is one sided...until i steal people's food.

living in a nice neighbourly neighbourhood will be a nice change.
i'm so glad i met patrick. we're at very similar points in our lives and we're ready to do random shit. nice and adventurous.
i hate to think how my life here wouldve been had anj and i not gone to virgin mobile that day.

shit i can't even blink, i'm so wired.

anyway, soooo excited for lynn's vigit. it will be legendary.
will veg in front of the telly now.
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i'll take poutine over eggs any easter

10:50 p.m. nikki sp

i reckon i'm just saying that cuz of the lack of poutine here. back home, i'd probably rape as many easter eggs as i could. i was pretty drunk when this was taken, and the poutine just added to the happiness. look at that smile!


needless to say, it was quite the easter feast. probably the best easter i've had in my life considering there was no family drama to contend with.

and, i worked a sickass job promoting pure blonde at the easter show. which got me heaps of money, free booze and food on foster's dime. loves it.

the truck i'm working in is pretty sweet too. it's got 2 lcd screens and entertainment system, airconditioning, a viewing patio, and 4 taps of free flowing beer.
i could live there. i mean, if i got a bed, it'd be a pretty sweet pad. it's pretty spacious.
but about the fair, it was FANTASTIC! i was sooo giddy when i first got there. i mean, i have been to fairs and carnivals before. but this was pretty spectacular. like it was all of the fall fairs in southern ontario mixed in with the cne.
sooo good. so much good unhealthy food too.
i ate too much because it was free, and i my body punished me for it. i've been semi bed ridden every night i come home since sunday.
let's rehash what i had the first day, shall we:
breakfast=salad and sandwich
lunch=half doz oysters, shrimp salad, potato wedges with sourcream and sweet chili sauce
dinner=steak, fish and chips, more oysters
post dinner=delicious delicious poutine
and between all meals, many a beer was consumed.
motherfucker it was fantastic.
but as much as i thought that would prepare me to eat more the following days, it was quite the opposite. eating so much made me full for the next few days. so i've only been able to struggle through a meal a day.
irrelevant information, but whateva.
i work again next weekend. if anyone can visit me then, i can hook you up with as much booze as you'd like till it's closing time ie 4ish pm cuz that's when our license expires.
in the meanwhile, i have no classes for a couple weeks, and no english for a month or so. life is pretty great. it is getting colder here, but it's still beautiful. heaps to do.
hopefully i won't be too bored.
but if i am, i'll just write :)
now i gotta rest cuz my tummy is aching again
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almost easter break

4:40 p.m. nikki sp
and i didn't even realize it till yesterday. time is just creeping up on my ass really fast.

school's been quite the breeze already though, so the break doesn't mean too much to me. except i guess it will give me time to get shit organized, make lots of money, and roadtrip (fingers crossed).

we've started shooting our doc on the writing in toilet stalls. it was the chillest shoot ever because we had heaps of time. i kept thinking about alicia and i pushing a shopping cart to school from jarvis and church. and then subsequently trip on streetcar tracks. and then have the lighting equipment spill out of the bag with the faulty zipper.... good times. fond memories.

i chose to work with this group because i felt they had the most similar work dynamic and etiquette that i'm used to. toilet talk isnt my most favoured topic, but there's lots to work with. it's only a 3 min doc. we couldn't really do something epic. other options were band docs. but there's no point on doing a doc on a band unless they've pretty much made it.

damn, lish and i had so many opps to cover tokyo police club, and we never jumped on it. and now i'm seeing their music vids here, feeling sillly that we never shot them.
anyway, this is my favourite aussie. i was considering doing my final doc treatment and synopsis on the band he's in - jordan millar and the question. they're away this weekend playing the blues and roots festival up in byron bay.
so they've managed to break not just sydney but surrounding areas of byron and tasmania.

but, out of personal interest, i reckon i'll cover skate4cancer instead.
p.s. i had just been drinkin with the lord mayor of sydney when this photo was taken.
i reckon he just might be cuter than me and i don't know how i feel about that. never mind though.
i've actually met quite a few people who've worked out canuck/aussie couplings.
a former rta student met her dude when he went on an exchange at ry, now she's in syd and they've been together for 2 years.
i worked with this aussie girl who lived in toronto in the past 2 years, met a guy and they're engaged after 1 year. they're prolly gonna get married within the year too.

now now, i'm not getting ahead of myself in the least. i am in a different position as these girls - i still got a year left of school. and ben is still figuring out what he wants to do with his life.
but in the meanwhile, we'll be enjoying each other's company whilst i'm here, comparing canadianisms to aussieisms and making fun of each others' accents.

his group of friends are really fun too, hoping to party with them for his birthday. still thats a couple of weeks ahead, don't wanna plan too far away. don't even know if there will be a party, so whatever. i know i just wanna make jello shooters. heaps of them

but i might be away for it or what. who knows?
planning the roadtrip with asa tonight. planning to hit byron or melbourne.
it's a little weird cuz there might be a tsunami cuz of an earthquake that hit the solomon islands. so beaching might not be the best plan. we can probably just hit the night life of melbourne then. who knows?
we've got enough time here. i've already got byron and the gold coast. i'm thinking i might get inked in the gold coast though ben want's to be there when i get it done. it might be more sensible to get it in sydney right before lynn leaves because i won't be able to catch some sun right afterwards.
who knows. gotta confer with lynn too.

so yeah, melbourne, byron, and possibly tasmania would be sweet to hit before i return home.
ben's from tas, dunno if he's planning to go home whilst i'm here. but if so, i'm hitting that up. weather should be pretty gnarly when i go there, since it's pretty south. it'll probably be pretty cold.

will confer with him later.

now i gotta get ready cuz i'm going to see crab races with asa.
that's right. crab races.
aussies are crazy.
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