drifting

so i packed up my apartment today and shipped the boxes, thus completing 45% of my transition. we'll get to 50 once i leave toronto/get to nyc, linger at the halfway point during my stay in the new york, get to 55 once i arrive in la and start looking for a new room to call home, and reach 100% once i'm unpacked and sleeping soundly in my bed. that is how i will measure my progress. i kind of hate being stuck and wish i could just fast forward the process.

so thank god dan is going home to visit his familia this weekend so i can have free reign on his place so i don't feel completely homeless. but it's an interesting feeling, from having my own one bedroom apt, to staying in another person's room with at least 5 other housemates. every time i go to the balcony, there's someone new smoking. and because i am so spent from moving, i'm not my usual friend-making self. although i had roommies for 2 month stints in 07 and early 08, this will be a nice refresher course before i reside with new craigslist bffs. it has also really reminded me that i will be downsizing, and probably not in a place that's 100% perfect for me. and while it'll be an adjustment, i think i'm actually looking forward to the challenge.

black nate in cali, a potential roommate, called me a princess because i mentioned that his room at 11x11.5 may be too small for me. hey, i have stayed in smaller - my room at bondi barely fit in a bed. but because i have made it my mission to transport all my stuff cross-continent, i want to make sure it has a nice place to stay once i make my move. reasonable, right?

as much as i have scoured the c-list and found nice potential rooms, i really don;t think it will gimme a realistic idea of the hunt till i actually get there. i'm glad i have an iphone, so i can at least pin the places and find a suitable route. yeah, i could also find a map and actually pin it. but that wastes paper. so... i'm just being environmentally conscious....

did i mention how much i hate packing? it gives me a conniption. and why do i always choose to downsize? is it because i think it will give me strength in character so i will appreciate what i can have? ugh. being an only child to the best mother in the world hasn't really prepared me to live in a modest environment. just being in d's room, remembering that he used to live in an attic when we first moved to the annex was interesting. he's done well. and i know i have too. i guess i just want to feel more grounded? i for sure want the cool roommies/insta-friends too, so i guess i'm sacrificing my free reign on a whole space for buddies. it's a fair trade. i gotta get used to compromising.

i've got the most patient friends in the world. like the real friends. i used to think i was very lo-main, which i am on a daily basis. but when it comes to creature comforts... i'm pretty demanding. yikes. i hope i can get through these couple of weeks without grating on my hosts' nerves.

i hope i can make this nomadic life a romantic experience. not in the romance way. cuz, given my surroundings, that'd be hell awkward. and also i'm grimy and don't feel comfy showering in the bathroom because the door doesn't lock (i'm gonna take advantage of my gym membership heh heh heh). but, as i blog, i feel like this is the neo-drifter experience, reflecting on the unclear path ahead (even though i have planned more than i'd like to admit), wondering which lessons i will learn from the strangers i meet in the process, and hoping that if i die alongh the way, that it'll be mysterious and cool and immortalized somehow.

for the record, i don;t want to die. i am very stoked on this migrating experience, and think it's long overdue that i'm moving to l.a.

also, for the record, my l.a. is not one that's all hollywood. i'm in it for the sun, the music scene, the babes, and ...the education, i guess. but not the whole - going there to be famous, or to stalk the famous. gross. i hate the concept of celebrity, actually, and it always left a strange taste in my mouth when working on tv shows.

i can;t wait to blog my leaving entry. i almost want to get started, but i reckon that will take away from all the cathartic feelings i will experience when the moment actually comes. sleep time now. seeing as it's 5am. i'm like on pacific nikki time already... one of the welcomed byproducts of not 9-6ing m-f!!!

listless/listful

iwantiwantiwant

-an apartment with at least 3 other cool roommates. hopefully co-ed house. yeah actually, definitely co-ed house.
-a rad bike that is mine and will safely take me round the streets of l.a.
-a survivable work placement on campus
-a great volunteer position with global inheritance/similar
-contribute to where's cool?
-exposure to l.a.'s music scene
-rad friends, solid friendships
-a good relationship with my cousin
-minimized tension with my mother
-zero contact with the uncle
-frozen yogurt!!!
-california driver's licence
-the ability to study/apply my smarts effectively and not waste it all
-balance
-body art
-a 'dan' of california. sigh. why does jbp have to trade coasts??
-a absence of awkwardness and drama
-making contacts, cultivating working relationships
-achievement of my dreams
-unbrokeness
-learning new skillz
-not quite growing up. but embracing adultescence
-live a healthy lifestyle
-use usc gym and/or take up other activity
-have fun
-being happy with my surroundings. finally



get outta my nightmares. getoutgetoutgetout
-not making any friends. at least friends that i like and feel myself with. i know it's not hard to make friends. but hey, in toronto it took me like 20 years to get it right
-mistaking coolness for good friendness
-i will lose focus
-deportation
-bankruptcy
-maternal resentment
-moving back to toronto
-effing up at my program
-the health care system screwing me over
-hollywood. ew. gross.
-shady folks
-drama
-getting held at the border
-unintentionally breaking the law and getting caught
-discovering that i don't want to get into communications and then starting from scratch from there
-something traumatic that will totally derail me mentally or otherwise
-unhealth
-getting stuck in limbo
-not realizing there are always options


how do i make sure shit gets done?
-refer to this list for perspective
-remember how hard i worked to get here, how long i've been dreaming and thinking about this. you made this decision for a reason, and not just australia or some other warm place
-set goals about what you want, how you can achieve them. and then do it
-no negativity
-remember what you're leaving, why you're leaving
-realize you are awesome, believe it, and make sure other people believe it too




:)
don't worry. it'll all work out.

jesse spano excited.

i always find the hardest part of major shifts in location is determining when these shifts will occur.

for this shift, i have finally decided the dates.

leaving toronto to nyc - nov 11
nyc to la - nov 17
la to sf - nov 25
sf to la - nov 29
la to sd - dec 5
sd to la - dec 6
la to ed - dec 12
ed to la - dec 13
la to bkk - dec 16
bkk to la - jan 3

... wow. it's going to happen.
!!!

now that that's taken care of, the hardest part is waiting. and not being able to do anything in the meanwhile.

as much as i can, i've gotten my shit done:
paid my sevis fees, registered for orientation, set up bank...

i wish i could do the following:
find an apartment, buy a bike, drive, get some sort of work....make friends!!!

and most importantly, just be there!!!

but less than a month to get there. that's good.
i've been waiting for this for so long.
wow.
and yet i still have to wait.


4 more days of work.
30 days left of toronto time.

i'm just too excited. jesse spano excited.

i just gotta remember to breathe. and then maybe take a chill pill.